My name is Susannah Joy.

I am a survivor of domestic violence and physical and emotional and sexual abuse.
I am not stupid.
I am not a “fat old cow” who couldn't find a decent man --
I do not get my kicks from getting my face punched in
Or my ribs broken
Or my head beat into the wall--

I do not enjoy rough sex --or being brutally, forcefully raped and sexually tortured and abused.

But these are the stereo-types that abused women live with every day of their lives.

We are measured as lesser beings -- everyone else will tell you, that if
it had been them, they would have just packed up and left --

If it had been that simple--that easy, I would have too --

But just like all of the other victims & survivors, I am blamed for being the victim--

"What did you do this time to piss him off? "

You're right-- I must have said or done something to make him mad --Why else would he

Hit me

Beat me

Rape me

Belittle me

Terrorize me

Threaten me

Threaten my children

Terrorize my children

Control me

Intimidate me

Condemn me

And nearly kill me …… when he knew I was trying to run ?

Let me ask you: What crime --what transgression--what wrong could I have POSSIBLY committed to DESERVE any of this treatment?

What possible justification would excuse the degradation and abuse and violation of another human being that is perpetrated by the abusing partner against the other?

If he were a stranger on the streets, he would be arrested, convicted, and put in prison forever on a multitude of charges of felony assault, attempted murder, conspiracy of murder, embezzlement, stalking, kidnapping and child abuse charges.

But because he was my husband, you don't hear--don't care--and you don't help me in my plight.

I am your daughter

I am your sister

I am your neighbor

I am your friend

I am a mother of children who have lived amidst fear and tyranny and pain and helplessness for so long, that they are now grown--young adults--still angry--still hopeless--and repeating what they have learned of violent living with another generation of anger and violence running rampant in our schools--in our communities--and in their marriages and relationships. They are bringing forth more children to endure more violence and more anger and more hopelessness --

Your silence helps support the violence--

Your indifference gives the abuser carte blanche--

Your ignorance keeps you “safe” and endangers the lives of thousands--

Your out-rage of violent teens, runaway children and desperate women is misplaced -- impotent--and does nothing to save any lives or build any futures or provide any hope that anything will ever change.

We all stood in shock and horror as we saw the news of the WORLD TRADE CENTER--the plane crashes--and the pentagon. The stories all made front page news -- Newscasters ran video and reviews for hours and days on end and suddenly the country was united against the violence--the bloodshed--the loss of lives of innocent people that we did not even know -- Action has been taken to confront the terrorist on his own home ground, and eradicate his havens, wherever they may be -- For it is OUR people and OUR cities and it has become OUR fight to make things right --

But the real battleground that really matters is not in Iran or Iraq or Afghanistan-- it is closer to home -- It is IN the homes -- where the terrorist has free rein --and your silent consent --to continue to wage an un-godly war against the innocents--

Some become victims--some become survivors --But their stories rarely make front page news-- Newscasters rarely mention the dead, the wounded, the desperate, the homeless and the survivors -- There are no videos capturing the grief and the horror--there is no country united against the violence. Only silence--and statistics and shattered families, shattered lives and shattered dreams.

Action MUST be taken to confront the terrorist on his own home ground--and eradicate his havens, on every front--wherever they may be. For it is OUR people --OUR children--OUR families that pay the price if we fail to act to make things right --

Start, by becoming knowledgeable--then involved -- Support women's shelters and their service programs. Realize that there IS NO EXCUSE for ABUSE. Then spread the word--become active in defending the defenseless, promoting public awareness and holding the ABUSERS accountable for their ABUSE -- not the victims.....

My name is Susannah Joy.

I am a survivor.

I pray one day, that the battle will no longer be --

Susannah Joy, author of

egg-shell dancing © 1999